What's Behind Your Need For 'guaranteed Success'?
Posted: Wednesday, September 16, 2009
by Douglas Cartwright
Living Words Coaching and Training
I'm sure someones told you there are no guarantees in life.
I was in the Post Office today when I saw a sign for Premium Bonds which said because your money is backed by the treasury it's 100% safe.
Well, for those of us who thought that putting money in the bank was the safest place for it I have only two words - Northern Rock. (It was a UK bank that collapsed and had to be bailed out by the Government.)
Its because the desire for guarantees that things will turn out the way we want is something that can really prevent us from moving towards our success, whatever that is.
Why do we want guarantees?
I can't claim to know every reason but I think one is the fear that if things don't work out, we won't be able to cope. In Feel the Fear and do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers claims this fear is the root of ALL fears.
If we feel we can't handle the alternative (or unknown) outcomes then quite naturally it will activate the flight part of our fight or flight responses.
But what else could be going on behind this?
Well, to assume we can't handle an outcome may suggest several others things in my opinion:
a) We may feel and/or believe we won't have access to the resources we need to handle whatever comes up. We just shut down.
b) We may feel that others will overwhelm us or we wont be able to cope with opposition (similar to 'A' really)
c) We may feel that not getting the outcome could lead to absolute disaster.
Going even further back what else could be going on?
Well, to believe we don't have the resources and we won't be able to respond puts us in the role of victim, someone to whom the world happens and that makes us feel vulnerable and fearful. It suggests we think we have NO resources to respond with.
It is this I want to challenge.
Are you a victim? I mean, do you truly have NO resources? None-at-all?
Even if the situation you find yourself in is COMPLETELY UNIQUE, are you not capable of making ANY responses at all? Not a word. Not a hand raised in protest?
You may believe you're not capable (at this point). But objectively, when you step back and think about it of course you can.
Its just that our feelings often lie to us and we believe the lie. Our minds are designed to do that. King Solomon, reputedly the wisest man who ever lived said Every man is right in his own eyes.
Take this piece of ancient wisdom and remember a time when you were convinced you couldn't do something and you did.
How right were you then? Were you not only right until you proved your belief wrong! This shows the insidious self-approving nature of beliefs you actually have to take the stance that they could be wrong even when theyre telling you they're right!
So what else can you do?
Firstly, you can have a good think about logically whether you are responsible and response-able for your own thoughts, feelings, actions and the words that come out of your mouth.
If you are responsible and response-able then you are accountable. If you accept these things then isn't it time to claim ownership of what is rightfully yours, what you already have authority over (you just forgot!)
What if you could say MINE to your thoughts and feelings with the same passion you would apply to someone trying to take away your heart!
Its mine. No way are you having that! Its MINE!
You can also challenge the idea directly that you are a victim.
I stubbornly refuse to define myself as a victim. A victim refuses to respond and believes they cannot. I KNOW that is not true. Even if my response is inappropriate or makes the situation worse I CAN RESPOND. And it might make things better.
If you can always respond then when you relate to this to the need for guarantees you will probably find you don't need them so much.
Why? Because the need for guarantees was a protective measure against not being able to cope. And if you can respond, you can do SOMETHING!
This approach helps you to make yourself a friend to reality someone for whom the facts do not stop you from pursuing your dreams.
Douglas Cartwright a a personal effectiveness and breakthrough coach who can help you feel you have more control and authority over the way you think, feel, and act. Go to www.livingwords.netfor more information and feel free to request a free introductory session. Douglas works specifically for those who have a vision for their lives, and Christians in business and ministry. You can also get an astoundingly powerful implementation pattern (that cost me 200 to learn) from www.overcomingprocrastination.co.uk
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